I’m the type of person who can be overly negative when it’s totally unnecessary. You may not necessarily hear me say negative things, but its definitely on my mind. What does this come from? Year and years of baggage that I am barely beginning to unpack. I’m surprised I never bought a bigger bag, cause its packed beyond stupidity. But besides that. I realize that oftentimes negativity stems out of want for what isn’t ours in the moment and not being grateful for what is. Right now, I’m typing on a computer that I own, under a roof that keeps me safe, owned by my parents who love me very much, who support my career choices, my lifestyle choices. I get to eat food that I didn’t have to steal or kill for. I get to sleep on a bed, and not in the alley. I get to say goodnight to my mom and kiss her on the cheek, when some kids would kill just to hear they’re mother say “I love you”. Because of all of this, It doesn’t make me any better than the next person. I don’t deserve any of it, so maybe because none of it is owed to me, I should live in gratitude. Thank you LORD.

I like to remind myself to be thankful for things. Although I made this blog to bring my struggles and weaknesses to the light in order that some may be blessed, I feel that if I ONLY focus on the struggles, it takes away from truly understanding how God gets the glory out of my life. And sometimes we think, oh, I wasnt raised from the dead like Lazarus, or I didn’t have a limb grow back, or some other “miraculous event”. The thing is, life in itself is a miracle. Take a breath, and feel the air rush into your lungs and feel your body become energized and refreshed because of it. Don’t take that simple action for granted because it is by the grace of God that those functions are useful to you. Look outside and marvel at the trees, the birds, the sky, the clouds…not everyone can see, you are blessed.

Sometimes a reason why people are so miserable is because they are not satisfied in the present moment. I find myself in this place very often sometimes. 9 times out of 10, actually, who am I kidding?! 10 TIMES OUT OF 10, its my fault. Why is it my fault? Because in every situation, God has given us what we need for that specific situation. He has given us the tools, the energy and the opportunities needed to do his Will, and to be satisfied. Oftentimes, we forget that, and become very stubborn. Jesus told us to look at the sparrows, and realize how they do not worry about what they will eat or drink or anything of the sort, because God provides for them. These are hard things to live out in an age that tells us to be self sufficient. But I’m gonna take the first step, and say that today, life is Amazing, and I am satisfied in this moment, and I thank God immensely for his provision. Thank you.

So… I’m here listening to music that just reminds me of when I was a little kid. I don’t necessarily wanna go back to my childhood, but I want certain child-like aspects back in my life (not childish…child-like..there is a difference). Something I really remember feeling as a child was a fascination and zeal just to wake up in the morning, that I don’t have today… It’s kinda sad. I want it back. But something that I really am thankful that has translated into these years, is a love for the simple things in life. I find so much joy in seeing someone smile, in watching the sunset, breathing in the LA County air (Yes it smells different compared to Corona air.) I love life. The painful parts of it, the pleasurable parts of it, it’s so beautiful overall in the context of the bigger picture. 

When I lay in my bed at night, I am so thankful for my family.. It’s because of them that I ever had a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, and someone to love me, unconditionally. Our generation is so lost, and the sad thing is, some people don’t find pleasure in the simplicity anymore, If we’re not getting paid a certain amount of money, If we don’t have a certain car, If we didn’t date a certain girl, we’re not happy. We act like God owes us something…. I’m guilty of this… but he gave me life, a mother who loves me, a father who worked hard to keep us together amidst struggles, a brother who looks up to me, and that more abundantly. On top of that he gave me salvation. That’s amazing in and of itself, but also just the fact that I can breathe in the cool air of the night… is a testimony in and of itself to the goodness of God. So tonight.. I am very…very thankful.