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He Loves Me?
Its been a while since I’ve posted… I just didn’t feel like writing about my previous battles because I’m fighting some new ones and also because I’m experiencing new breaktrhoughs and re-kindling new joys. Sometimes for the process to continue in a healthy manner we gotta let somethings wait. I’ve learned something so important about the Love of Jesus Christ… He loves me even when I don’t. He loves you even when YOU don’t! Really, truly think about that. There is nothing more comforting than that. As a child with an anxiety disorder, I self scrutinized myself, cut myself down to a stump, weak and afraid. I let my anxiety tell me that God didn’t love me for who I was, that he didn’t own my soul, that He wanted me to EARN His love. I can get into the ins and outs of what having an anxiety disorder is like, what the symptoms are etc, but I need to go to the essence of what started me down this path, and it was this idea of Inadequacy, that Jesus didn’t love me because of it. What a LIE! WE ARE ALL INADEQUATE, and despite this, Christ loves us with an infinite love that even the most righteous do not understand. Now I must live with the scars. Am I discouting that what I dealt with was a true clinical condition, an actual illness of sorts… no I am not. But the doubt that God loved me didn’t help, and the scars still remain, often times I don’t even notice them until something reminds me of my old doubtful ways. Tonight I say with confidence that God Loves Me, and I love Him, and NOTHING will change that. So yeah, I didn’t continue this story with all the details of what having a disorder is like…not this time… Because this truth…This PRECIOUS truth, is why I keep fighting, as long as I focus on HIS LOVE, it doesn’t matter what affliction or battles I need to fight… It’s ALL worth it! 1 note:
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